Before and After

What a week. Cake, anyone?

Welcome, new readers!

Dream Big is about my writing journey. Approximately every two weeks, I post about: finding writing in my 40s, embracing a creative life, writing my first novel, and the everyday moments that inspire me as I juggle family life and my dreams of becoming a published author.

I’m so glad you’re here.

---

I watched my 10-yr old play soccer last weekend. The game was a nail-biter, but by the last few minutes we were up one and feeling pretty good. Then, in the last nine seconds, the other team scored and tied it up. Their side of the field erupted as ours fell quiet, completely deflated as the other team’s families cheered. Somehow, it felt different from when we anticipate a loss. A sort of humbling, perhaps slightly humiliating, sense that the final score is not due to lack of effort but, rather, underestimating one’s opponent. It’s what we feel when we take our eyes off the ball.

I never planned to write about the election, and this post is not meant to stoke political discussion; it’s more about how it feels to be on the other side of it. In fact, I had a piece nearly ready to post just before November 5th, but it felt irrelevant as we neared Election Day. That was the “before” world, when we didn’t yet know the results. 

I was right about what I wrote “before” feeling irrelevant, but I was very wrong about the way history turned. So here I am, in the “after,” trying not only to write something true and relevant, but simply trying to write.

Suffice to say it’s been a rough week.

I was hoping for a different kind of “after,” as you may have guessed; the future looks bleak to many of us in the U.S. (and beyond, I suspect) at this time. I would love nothing more to be wrong about this. However, in this time of deep division, I think there’s something to notice, something which is very human no matter how we vote or what we believe.

As the results rolled in on Tuesday night, I felt the 2016 déjà vu that many have described. It’s fair to say I felt devastated…and angry—at the results, yes, but also at myself. It was the same whiff of humiliation I felt when the other team scored. How did we take our eyes off the ball? Again?

The day after the election, I spoke to a few friends and family members, but I couldn’t bring myself to tune into news or social media. I couldn’t listen to music, audiobooks, nor my favorite podcasts. I certainly couldn’t write anything that day. The “after” was a gut punch. I didn’t want to wallow, but I needed time to process, reflect, and find my bearings.

So I walked. And I reminded myself that, despite the results, there is still plenty of joy in the “after” world. I stopped to look at flowers and smiled at the breeze on my face. The pumpkin cake that I made on Tuesday night (yes, I nervous-baked) was still delicious. The age-old escape into stories remains, whether you are reading or writing one (both are effective!), and the thought occurred to me that perhaps the election will give me the push I need to finish my novel, which actually made me laugh a little. If ever I needed a distraction from reality….

Are you smiling yet?

These feelings—loss, humiliation, devastation, grief, the “if only” thoughts—are universal, bubbling up after a lost opportunity. The ramifications may differ in scale and impact, but we all get our turns. Right now it’s mine and whoever else feels the same. It’s really, really the pits.

But joy can live alongside sorrow and grief; there is room for both in our human hearts. The world still turns and the sun still rises. Life doesn’t stop in the face of loss. We get up. We move forward.

A win, whatever it is—an election, ending a war, saving our planet…or maybe a soccer game, a college acceptance, a job offer, publishing a book—is amazing, of course. A win is the counterbalance to the gut punch. And sometimes, a win or loss is beyond our control. Regardless of the results, it’s in the trying, in putting one foot in front of the other, where dreams are brought to life.

Because, really, the only thing worse than getting knocked down is staying there.

Between a rock and a hard place, this lavender won’t be kept down!

Thank you for reading, however you’re feeling this week. I am always, always so glad you’re here.❤️

P.S. In case you missed the recipe link for pumpkin cake, here it is again: PUMPKIN CAKE WITH CREAM CHEESE FROSTING