The Untortured Artist
First-time novelists and marathon runners have more in common than you might think. Really!
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Dream Big is about my writing journey. Approximately every two weeks, I post about: finding writing in my 40s, embracing a creative life, writing my first novel, and the everyday moments that inspire me as I juggle family life and my dreams of becoming a published author.
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I’m so glad you’re here.
I’ve read and heard over and over that writing a novel for the first time is as much about the structure and volume of writing (and let’s face it, finishing the damn thing) as it is about learning how to accomplish such a feat.
Some of you may be able to speak to this experience, having written one or several novels yourselves. Others may be thinking: Hard pass. I’ll stick to reading, thanks! I hear you. That’s how I feel about bungee jumping, skydiving, and running a full marathon, to name a few. (Full disclosure: I have run several halves, and those I enjoyed. I just have no need or desire to double the distance. Ever.)
That said, let’s stick with marathons for a moment. Whether or not you’ve actually run one (or ever want to)…if you can, imagine your first marathon. It’s a colossal goal, one that may feel nearly impossible despite what all the training apps promise.
Still, you start at the beginning and train consistently, logging miles week after week. While you build physical endurance, the real magic occurs as you learn to optimize your training through your newly acquired knowledge of all things running. At some point, you choose favorite socks, shoes, and take measures to prevent injury. You have a favorite water bottle, maybe a running belt, and the right hat to keep the sun out of your eyes. You know what time of day you prefer to train.
Will it be your best race? Maybe, maybe not. But if you decide to run another marathon at any point, barring any drastic changes, I’m betting it’s a more streamlined experience. Now you know what training entails and how you do it best.
Back to writing. As I work on my novel, I continue to wake early and try to put a dent in my word count each morning before the sun rises. More than simply getting the words down (which is definitely part of it), I am also gaining an understanding of how to optimize this process for myself. Like a runner chooses the right shoes to support the shape of her foot and her gait, I’ve figured out a few things that will help me cross the finish line.
On rising early…
I write in the morning because there is something about the quiet, inky space before dawn, a certain dreamlike state that makes it easier to access my story. Once the family wakes, the lens of my day is colored a bit and it becomes harder to reimmerse myself. (Some days, I really am just too tired. If I sleep in, I try to write later but it’s always a little risky in terms of the day getting away from me. That’s what tomorrow is for, right?)
On writing daily…
Writing each day feels like keeping my foot in the doorway between my life and my story. If too much time passes between writing sessions, it’s harder to pull the door open (and it’s a heavy one). The idea is to keep the gap as wide as possible.
On living two lives…
Writing a novel is a bit like living in two different worlds, my real life and the world of my story. Sometimes one is quieter than the other, but they’re both teeming with life. Much of the time, my head is swimming with ideas about one while the other world turns in the background.
On “working” all the time…
Often, I get my best ideas while I’m not writing. Plot points can be revealed during a walk, inspiration granted while checking out at Trader Joe’s. I have stopped in the middle of runs to record a snippet of dialogue, or scrambled for a pen to write down a plot point that I just untangled while washing dishes. Sometimes I think I “write” more in the hours away from my computer. Yes, a writer’s mind is always working, which leads me to my next point.
On sanity…
That “always working” part? It can get a little loony, specifically with characters who seem to reveal more about themselves the more I write. They’re starting to feel kind of real, sort of like I’ve known them for a good while. Some days, it’s enough to make me question my sanity. At least I’m never lonely!
“Writing is like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.”
E.L. Doctorow, Writers At Work: The Paris Review Interviews, 2nd Series
Novels are born in a million different ways. They are written over the course of weeks, months, years, each one fueled by the individual process of their author. For example, did you know Kazuo Ishiguro wrote The Remains of the Day through a process he called “The Crash”? He wrote a draft in approximately a month while essentially putting the rest of his life on hold. This is an old article, but you get a sense of the extreme measures he went to in order to access his story.
If an author struggles to get a foot in the door between worlds, so to speak, I understand how writing the story begins to feel like a compulsion. It seems Kazuo Ishiguro bet well when he chose his writing strategy, because things worked out pretty well for him, I’d say. You know what else? He implemented “The Crash” because, at that point, he knew his process and what he needed to achieve his goal. The Remains of the Day was his third novel.
I have a ways to go yet, but I think I can say with confidence that I will not be “crashing” this novel at any point, nor do I wish to. My boys are growing more independent, but I still can’t make a call without someone needing something that only I can help them with at that exact time. In any case, I don’t think such an intense approach would be wise for a beginner such as myself. There’s something to be said for a slow and steady pace when you’ve got everything to learn.
We all know the stereotype of the “tortured artist” tormented by ideas and creative blocks, unstable due to constant agitation and/or mental imbalance. I can vouch for periods of frustration and the need to untangle this story of mine, which I work at daily.
But tortured? Not at all.
As steep as the learning curve feels at times and the delicate life balance required to see this story through, I love the challenge and the promise that if I keep showing up, I will cross the finish line and complete this first draft. I’m learning so much, acquiring knowledge and experience I hope to draw on with future stories.
Best of all? I’m doing what I set out to do. Much like logging miles, I’m approaching 25,000 words on my first draft, which puts me on track to finish by the end of the summer. Maybe it’s a bit like a runner’s high, because I’m having a great time.
Thanks for being here.
I would love to hear your experiences learning/working towards something that felt hard, maybe unattainable, for the first time.
An instrument or musical performance? A new sport? Have you run a marathon for real? Have you jumped out of a plane? 😬
And here’s what I really want to know: Once you reached your goal, did you continue or set a higher goal? How did your first experience help you tailor any that followed?
Comment below or hit reply to this email. I love hearing from you!
Maria, great piece here. Always enjoy reading about your journey. I have only run one half marathon (2015) and it was a lot of work. Appreciate the insight into your writing process and the correlation between your life experiences.
Love this. I'm also working on my first novel - on the second draft of it now. I'm constantly surprised by how long the process is. How many new layers of it are uncovered as I go along. There's always more to be done.
I love the idea of writing in the morning, but for many "life-related" reasons I cannot make it work. So I write before bed. During my lunch breaks. On lazy Sunday mornings in bed. On Saturday afternoons before I go out in the evening. And yes, on early mornings sometimes. In the pockets of time, whenever a few precious minutes can be found.